33..Single And Celibate

Hello readers! With my 34th birthday quickly approaching next month, I can’t help but reflect on life, relationships and decisions that have gotten me to this moment. Sure, it wasn’t always a smooth ride but I’m so happy and grateful for my journey and all that I have learned so far. As I sit here and choose to be nothing but transparent with all of you, I’m trying to pinpoint the exact moment when I made up in my mind that I was going to be celibate and single by choice.

I remember back in middle school, me and my then best friend decided to make a pact that we would remain virgins until we were married. It was one of the best decisions that I made at such a young and impressionable age. I believe it was the perfect age to make that decision, only because there was so much peer pressure even in middle school to become sexually active and to even try drugs. When I transitioned to high school, the pressure became even more evident. People that heard of this pact that I made or just by having deep conversations with me would always ask me why I chose to wait. There were several people who treated me as if I was the plague and there was something wrong with me for making that decision. Their exact words were “what are you waiting for? Just get rid of it like everyone else.”

That began to make my mind wonder because I wasn’t the most popular girl in school. Sure I had friends that were preps, hipsters, athletes and what some would call “nerds” but I was never seen as the girl that would be a guys first choice to ask to prom. I was so focused on academics, student counsel, etc. Fast forwarding to my 20’s, I was still a virgin until the age of 26. I remember feeling regret after I made that life changing decision. I definitely beat myself up about it for a while. I then chose to learn and grow from the situation..A few years later I was having a conversation with this guy I was getting to know. He understood my decision to be celibate until marriage however he like other people you will meet, decided to be very vocal about why having sex BEFORE marriage was a good idea. He stated how will you know if you’re sexually compatible with someone before you marry them, unless you take that step.

I was reminded in that moment that if someone is trying their best to convince you as to why you shouldn’t remain celibate or that you should compromise your values by either their actions or their words..Then what you have and who you are is more valuable than you know. After that conversation, a light bulb seriously came on. I finally got it! I’ve been questioned by family, associates and the like, asking me when am I going to have children. I think their biological clock is ticking faster than mine. I say the same four words time and time again..”When I get married.” I’m not here to pass judgment about anyone that chooses to have sex before they’re married. I’m here to tell my story and to say that in this era it’s not weird, crazy or delusional for anyone to choose to be celibate until marriage.

For those that have made certain decisions in the past and are still beating themselves up about it, I’m here to tell you to seriously LET IT GO. There is nothing you can do about the choices you have made in the past. All you can do is learn from it and grow because of it! Whatever you did last year, last month or yesterday does NOT make you a horrible person and does NOT define who you are! We are human, we are not perfect..We fall but it is up to us individually to get back up and say I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED. THIS IS NOT HOW MY STORY ENDS. I truly hope that my story encourages and reminds you that whatever you are facing, you a not alone in this journey called life!

 

Be A Light,

De’Andrea